Grief is an unfortunate emotion that every bunny owner at some point in time will have to experience. We share an intense love and bond with our buns thus they become cherished members of the family, bringing companionship, fun, and joy to our lives. Their loss can be a deeply emotional and challenging experience.
Just a rabbit…
From time to time, people tell me, “Lighten up, it’s just a rabbit,”
or, “That’s a lot of money for just a rabbit.”
They don’t understand the distance traveled, the time spent, or the
costs involved for “just a rabbit.”
Some of my proudest moments have come about with “just a rabbit.”
Many hours have passed when my only company was “just a rabbit,” but I did not once feel slighted.
Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by “just a rabbit,”
and in those days of darkness, the gentle touch of “just a rabbit”
gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day.
If you, too, think it’s “just a rabbit,” then you will probably
understand phases like “just a friend,” “just a sunrise,” or “just a promise.”
“Just a rabbit”, brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy.
“Just a rabbit”, brings out the compassion and patience that make me a better person.
Because of “just a rabbit”, I will rise early, and look longingly to the future.
So for me and folks like me, it’s not “just a rabbit” but an
embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future; the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment.
“Just a rabbit” brings out what’s good in me, and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day.
I hope that someday they can understand that it’s not “just a rabbit,”
but the thing that keeps me from being “just a human.”
So the next time you hear the phrase “just a rabbit.” just smile,
because they…
….”just don’t understand.”
Author unknown*
Most people identify grief with death, but grief can occur with other life altering experiences such as a devastating illness, traumatic accident or even when a foster family must say goodbye to their bun that has been adopted.
I have been through the loss of 3 pet rabbits over the years, each one a different embodiment of grief, each one exceptionally hard to deal with. The first was with our 12 1/2 year old Chester. Chester was the baby of the family, growing up alongside his human siblings. Everyone doted on him and he was lost when the last one left for college. He wasn’t the only one lost, and thus he became my world. His last day with us, he made it clear he was at the end and we made the very difficult decision to help him over the rainbow bridge. Choosing euthanasia is a difficult choice in itself and adds to the grief one may experience.
I knew I was not ready for another rabbit, mainly due to the guilt and deep sadness I felt, but to be honest it was probably more out of fear that I’d have to go through another loss. Then 3 weeks after Chester died we were called and asked to take in a family of three and of course we couldn’t say no. How ironic these two events coincided…it was like a gift from the universe.
That family of 3 expanded to 7 between January 2020 and March 2022. The next to leave us was Avery, one of the original threesome, in November of 2021. She was 8 and had been with us just under 2 years. Avery passed unexpectedly and quickly at home leaving another hole in our hearts. (the only blessing was that her bonded mates had the time to say goodbye). Then Winter left June 2023 just shy of 3 years with us and it was a whole new type of grief.
Stages of Grief
There are many stages of grief you can expect to feel after the losing your pet rabbit including: anger, depression, sorrow, regret, guilt, and fear. Not everyone will experience these emotions in the same way or to the same extent, they can be felt consecutively, or come in waves like a series of highs and lows. It can be challenging to work through grief, but it should be done so with self compassion, grace and at your own pace.
Denial: This initial stage is characterized by disbelief and shock. It serves as a protective mechanism, allowing us to gradually absorb the impact of the loss.
Anger: Anger can be directed towards various targets, such as oneself, others, or even the situation or circumstances surrounding the loss. It’s a natural response to the feelings of powerlessness and injustice that often accompany grief.
Bargaining: Bargaining can involve making promises, seeking alternative solutions, or wishing for things to go back to how they were before the loss. It’s a way of grappling with feelings of helplessness and seeking a sense of order or meaning. Note: it is normal to have self-doubt and to ask yourself what else you could have done.
Depression: As the full weight of the loss is processed, many people experience a profound sense of sadness, loneliness, and emptiness. This stage is marked by feelings of hopelessness, despair, and withdrawal. It’s important to note that depression in this context is different from clinical depression and is a natural part of the grieving process. However, if your feelings are extreme and do not fade, it is best to seek out some support.
Acceptance: This is the final stage and involves coming to terms with the reality of the loss and integrating it into one’s life. It does not necessarily mean you will be feeling happy or okay about the loss, but rather reaching a level of emotional peace and understanding. It’s about finding a new normal and moving forward while still honoring the memory of your bunny.
Coping With Grief
Your rabbit was a significant part of your life, providing companionship, comfort, and joy and now there is an emptiness in your heart. There are some things you can do to help lessen the pain, the first of which is understanding what grief is. Grief is defined as “the anguish experienced after significant loss”. Learning to cope with it is a very personal process.
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s important to recognize and accept your feelings of sadness, grief, and even anger. Give yourself permission to express them by crying or yelling.
Physical Feelings: There are physical feelings associated with the emotional and mental feelings of grief. If you feel one of these, you may be experiencing grief. Fast breathing, increased heart rate, anxiety, crying, irregular heartbeat, butterflies in stomach, shortness of breath, trembling, tension, headache, lip biting, lethargy, hard to concentrate, irritable, nausea, flushed face, lack of appetite, muscle tension, unable to sleep.
Allow Yourself to Grieve: Grieving is a natural process, and everyone experiences it differently. Don’t place unrealistic expectations and pressure on yourself. Give yourself permission to grieve in your own way and at your own pace. How you grieve and for how long is your choice alone. There is no right or wrong way to go through the process as long as you give yourself time, compassion and grace.
Share Your Feelings: Talk to friends and/or family members. Reach out to others who have lost rabbits. If you have a hard time verbally expressing your feelings, try writing your feelings in a journal. I did this nightly during Winter’s final days and not only was it therapeutic, but I am thankful to now be able to look back on my thoughts and feelings with a bit more self-compassion and grace.
Note: Keep in mind that some people assume pet loss shouldn’t hurt as much as human loss. (They may never have experienced the love of a pet themselves). Don’t let anyone take away your right to grieve.
Memorialize Your Rabbit: Consider creating a memorial or tribute to honor your rabbit’s memory.
Maintain Routines: While it’s normal to feel a sense of emptiness, try to maintain your daily routines as much as possible. Keeping busy can be a helpful distraction and can prevent feelings of isolation.
Seek Support: If you’re struggling to cope with the loss on your own, consider joining a pet loss support group or seeking professional counseling. Talking to others who have experienced similar losses can provide comfort and understanding.
Be Kind to Yourself: Be gentle with yourself during this time. It’s okay to feel sad, and it’s okay to take time to heal. (Many people feel uncomfortable asking for time off work when their pet dies, but this is something to consider). There will be days when you notice everyone else moving through life and you are stagnant in your grief- this is a time for self compassion..
Trigger Days: From experience, I now know that a sight, a sound, or a special day can spark memories that trigger a strong sense of grief. Anniversaries, holidays, birthdays, and gotcha days may bring up intense emotions especially during the first year.
Anticipatory Grief
Yes, it’s possible to experience grief even when a pet rabbit is still alive, especially if it’s facing serious health issues or a decline in quality of life This is called anticipatory grief and occurs when you begin to mourn and emotionally prepare for the eventual loss of your rabbit. I experienced this type of grief with my Winter who passed last June, and it is possibly the hardest loss I have had to deal with.
It is essential during this type of grief to take care of yourself. Not only are your dealing emotionally and mentally with the impending loss, but you have the stress of caring for your rabbit on a daily or round the clock basis. The physical exhaustion added to your emotional and mental state can really take a toll on you and your family. I myself was a bundle of nerves, constantly crying, I didn’t eat for 3 days, I rarely slept and was anxious and depressed.
Anticipatory Grief Manifestations
Emotional Distress: feelings of sadness, anxiety, fear, or helplessness. This can be particularly intense if your rabbit is suffering from a terminal illness or age-related decline.
Changes in Behavior: increased vigilance or attention to your rabbit’s needs, withdrawing emotionally as a way to protect yourself from the impending loss, or struggling to enjoy activities that you once found pleasure in.
Preoccupation with Loss: preoccupation with thoughts and concerns about your rabbit’s well-being and the potential loss. This can impact your ability to focus on other aspects of your life. You may notice yourself questioning the future:
- how long is left?
- is he/she suffering?
- why didn’t I notice sooner?
- what else could I have done?
- am I making the right decisions?
- what if I say goodbye to soon?
- is there something more that could be done?
Physical Symptoms: physical symptoms, such as fatigue, insomnia, changes in appetite, or headaches, as your body reacts to the stress and emotional strain of the situation.
Seeking Support: Just as with grief after a loss, anticipatory grief may prompt you to seek support from friends, family, or mental health professionals to help you navigate your emotions and cope with the impending loss. I could not have gotten through Winter’s illness without the help of Help for Head Tilt Hoppers on fb and and Marianne from Rabbit Care Virtual Support.
If you are dealing with anticipatory grief due to a terminal illness, seek out a certified Animal Hospice and Palliative Care provider. These often are vets that have undergone additional training to be able to help you, as your rabbits caregiver, to normalize and validate your feelings as well as to help guide you through the end of life process.
This is a challenging form of grief. Take steps to care for yourself emotionally, seek support, and make the most of the time you have with your pet rabbit.
Loss of an Emotional Support Rabbit
Emotional support rabbits are not only therapeutic, but they really do become their owners best friend. These rabbits can add structure to their day, keep them active and social, help them overcome setbacks and challenges as well as provide a sense of meaning or purpose to their life. This is a very deep loss as they will need to adjust their self-identity. Take care when helping the owner of an ESR through their grief.
Children and Grief
The loss of your rabbit may be your child’s first experience with death. This is a teaching opportunity for you. Let your child see you express your own grief. Discuss what you are feeling, what they are feeling and encourage them to ask questions. Use clear language, address their fears and share some happy memories. Reassure them it is not their fault. Involve them in the memorial process and allow them to create their own memento. Do not rush out and get them a new pet…give them time to process.
- under 2 years old: little understanding of death, but will miss their rabbit
- 2-4 years old: limited understanding and will struggle with the permanence
- 5-9 years old: may be curious about death and ask many questions
- over 9 years: old enough to understand death, including how permanent it is
Companion Pets and Grief
Bonded rabbits are especially prone to grief, but they also understand and accept death better than we humans. It is important for them to be able to say goodbye to understand their mate is gone. Allow them time with the body of their companion to help them grieve. Sometimes your pet rabbit may pass at the vet or on the way. If it is possible, bring the rabbit home and give your surviving rabbit some hours with the body. (They can end up waiting for months for their bonded friend to come back) If this is not possible, make sure to give them extra love and attention. It may take a while before they adjust to the loss.
Signs of a grieving rabbit:
- Drinking: Significant Increase of water consumption can be a sign of stress in rabbits.
- Behaviors: Increased digging and chewing could be ways that your rabbit is showing their frustration or releasing their pent up emotions.
- Grooming: Overgrooming or chewing on their fur could be a sign they are stressed out and lonely.
According to House Rabbit Resource Network “The survivor may groom the beloved’s body, lie on or beside it, pounce on it, pull at it, run circles around it, chew on or “chin” objects nearby, dig around it, etc. These are all good and completely normal and should be allowed. When there is no response from the body to these different actions, the survivor begins to understand that their friend is truly gone and won’t be coming back. Because they have been allowed to come to terms naturally with the death, they will begin the grieving process and within a few weeks they will move on; instead of becoming deeply depressed and possibly dying.”
Supporting Someone Who is Grieving
You can support someone who is mourning the loss of their rabbit by offering empathy, understanding, compassion, sensitivity, and a willingness to be there for the person in whatever way they need. Your support can make a meaningful difference in their healing process.
Conversations about loss can be extremely hard to navigate. Many people do not understand the bond we may have with our rabbits and therefore have a difficult time sympathizing or offering the support we need during this difficult time. Well meaning people may say the wrong thing and it may not be comforting. Keep in mind the person’s feelings that is experiencing the loss.
Listen: Let the person know that you are there to listen whenever they want to talk. Allow them to express their feelings, memories, and thoughts about their rabbit without judgment or interruption.
Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge the depth of their grief and validate their emotions. Avoid minimizing their feelings or suggesting that they should “get over it” quickly.
Be Present: Simply being there for the person can provide comfort and support. Offer your presence through physical hugs, holding their hand, or sitting with them quietly. Your presence can convey empathy and care.
Respect: Understand that grieving is a process that takes time. Respect the person’s need to grieve in their own way and at their own pace. Avoid imposing timelines or expectations on their healing process.
Share Memories: Share your own fond memories and experiences with their rabbit if you knew the pet well. Reminiscing about happy times can be comforting and affirming of the special bond between the person and their rabbit.
Provide Practical Support: Offer assistance such as helping with household chores, preparing meals, or running errands. Taking care of daily tasks can be challenging for someone who is grieving, and your support can be invaluable.
Send a Thoughtful Gesture: Send a sympathy card, flowers, or a small gift that acknowledges their loss and expresses your condolences. A thoughtful gesture can show that you are thinking of them during this difficult time.
Respect Their Space: Be mindful of the person’s need for space and solitude when they need it. Let them know that you are available whenever they are ready to connect or talk again.
Encourage Self-Care: Encourage the person to take care of themselves physically and emotionally. Suggest activities that promote relaxation, such as going for walks, practicing mindfulness or meditation, or engaging in hobbies they enjoy.
Offer Resources: Provide information about pet loss support groups, grief counseling services, or online resources that may be helpful for the person as they navigate their grief journey.
Tributes
Saying Goodbye is probably the hardest part of life, but creating a tribute can be a meaningful way to honor your rabbit’s memory and provide comfort during the grieving process. Remembering the fun and love you shared with your pet can help you to eventually move on. Having a small ceremony with family and/or friends can give a sense of closure and honor your rabbit at the same time. Light candles, release balloons, or plant a tree during the ceremony.
Our ancient ancestors have been performing rituals for their beloved pets since the domestication of animals. Archaeologists have found pet burials dating back to 14,000 years ago. In Egypt, an ancient pet cemetery was found containing nearly 100 animals. Ancient Egyptians also had their pets painted on the walls of their tombs.
Memorial Services
When your rabbit crosses over, you have to make the decision how you want to handle their remains. You can choose burial or cremation. Do what feels right for you and your family. Note: Don’t listen to people who think it’s inappropriate to hold a funeral for a pet.
Burial can be done in a pet cemetery, a human cemetery that has a designated pet section or in your yard. A pet cemetery or human cemetery can help you with the logistics like purchasing a plot, ordering a casket and headstone and coordinating a funeral ceremony.
For a home burial, check your local laws to be sure you can legally bury your pet on your property. Then you can decorate a box, choose a special area, plant flowers or a tree and make a headstone. Note: You cannot bury a pet on public or private property without permission of the owner. The rules may vary depending on where you live.
There are 2 types of cremation: private or communal. For a private cremation your rabbit is cremated separately from other animals. This is the way to go if you want your rabbit’s ashes back. You can have a special urn made or you can order a piece of jewelry you can put your buns ashes into to wear close to your heart. A communal cremation is when many animals are cremated together. This is a cheaper way to go if you want the facility to dispose of your rabbit’s ashes.
Mementos
- Paw Print: If you take your rabbit to a vet to have him or her cremated, chances are they will have their paw printed in clay for you. If you plan a home burial, you can purchase a kit to do this or even press their paw against an ink pad then onto stock paper.
- Memory Stuffy: Have a memory stuffy created out of your rabbit’s favorite blanket.
- Letter or Poem: Express your feelings and memories in a letter or poem dedicated to your rabbit. You can keep it for yourself or bury it with your rabbit.
- Memorial Garden: Plant a special garden dedicated to your rabbit. This can be a therapeutic and lasting tribute. Choose their favorite plants, herbs and flowers. Add a memorial stone to enhance the tribute.
- Photo: Create a physical or digital scrapbook or photo album. Make a collage of photos showcasing special moments with your rabbit. Dedicate a corner in your home with yourrabbit’s belonging.
- Keepsake Box: Gather items that remind you of your rabbit, such as their favorite toys, a lock of fur, or a paw print. Place these items in a keepsake box or shadow box to cherish and remember them.
- Video Tribute: Compile video clips and photos of your rabbit set to music that was special to both of you. Post an online tribute such as a memorial website or social media page.
- Donate: Make a donation to an animal charity or rescue organization in your rabbit’s name. This can be a meaningful way to honor their memory and help other animals in need.
- Art: Commission a custom piece of art, such as a painting, drawing, or sculpture, that captures the essence of your rabbit. Dedicate a special corner of your home for displaying it.
- Seasonal: Decorate an artificial tree with ornaments and photo’s of your rabbit.
Moving Ahead after Grief
After navigating the grieving process, you will move into a new normal of living. Some individuals may find various ways to continue healing while still honoring their rabbit’s memory.
Volunteer: Consider volunteering time or donating to animal shelters, rescue organizations, or charities in honor of your rabbit. Helping other animals in need can be a meaningful way to pay tribute and give back.
Focus on Self-Care: Continue prioritizing self-care and well-being as you navigate life after grief. Engage in activities that bring joy and fulfillment, spend time with loved ones, practice mindfulness or meditation.
Celebrate Memories: Celebrate and cherish the memories of your bunny.
Reflect and Grow: Take time to reflect on the lessons learned from the experience of loving and losing a pet rabbit. Use this time for personal growth, introspection, and honoring the bond shared with your bun.
Embrace Healing: Allow yourself to continue healing and moving forward while keeping your rabbit’s memory alive in your heart. Remember that healing is a journey, and it’s okay to have moments of sadness or nostalgia along the way.
Support Others: Use your experience and empathy to support others who are going through pet loss or grieving the loss of a beloved animal. Share your insights, offer a listening ear, or participate in support groups or online communities.
Consider a New Rabbit: While it’s important not to rush into getting a new pet immediately after a loss, some individuals may eventually feel ready to welcome a new pet into their lives. Take the time to mourn your rabbit and wait until you’re emotionally ready to open your heart and your home to a new animal. This decision should be made thoughtfully and when the time feels right. I suggest to volunteer at a shelter, find a bun that may be right for you then foster to see if it is the right time and a good fit.
Resources for Grief
Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement
Pet Loss Grief Support, Rainbow Bridge and Candle Ceremony
- 916-752-4200 – Staffed by University of California-Davis veterinary students; weekdays, 6:30-9:30 pm, Pacific time
- 904-392-4700 then dial 1 and 4080 – Staffed by University of Florida veterinary students; weekdays, 7-9 pm, Eastern time
- 517-432-2696 – Staffed by Michigan State University veterinary students; Tuesday to Thursday, 6:30-9:30 pm, Eastern time
- 504-231-8038 – Staffed by the Virginia-Maryland Regional College of Veterinary Medicine; Tuesday, Thursday, 6-9 pm, Eastern time
Books
Final Thoughts
There’s an old adage “the deeper you love, the deeper the pain”. Every individual’s journey after pet loss is unique, and it’s important to honor your feelings and needs as you navigate life without your rabbit.
The loss of a pet rabbit, whether it is after a long tiring illness or due to an unexpected sickness or accident is a very emotional time. Be prepared to navigate the end-of-life decisions by having a plan in place. This could be as simple as having a discussion at some point with your vet to have instructions in your rabbit’s file.
Grief can be a long messy process, but take heart, there will come a time when you are ready to make the leap from grieving to healing or coping. Remember there is NO timeframe for grief, but finding meaningful ways to remember and honor your rabbit’s memory can provide comfort and healing as you move forward.
